I’ve Seen Some Things, Man

Ambulance Driver gives a friend A Pep Talk. I know the young lady in question and while I don’t know anything about the particular incident, I know that she’s an incredibly warm and sensitive person. A lot of people in EMS are that way, or at the least they started out that way. Call it empathy, call it compassion, call it just plain old caring, it’s what motivates a lot of people to get into EMS.

Over the years, experience batters at your compassion or even your ability to perform as an EMT or paramedic. Michael Morse posted about it here, and what I see in his post is what I’ve seen in a lot of paramedics and EMTs. I’m not immune either and have gone through periods just like that over the years. Then something happens and you realize that we really do serve a worthy cause and do impact people’s lives in a positive way. Those are rare but heady times. When AD and I had that save in a restaurant in Edison, NJ beneath my cooler than cool exterior I was as happy as could be. We had been instrumental in saving someone’s life. It just doesn’t get any better than that and times like that make up for the every day foolishness that passes for EMS calls.

The problem is that the suffering we see, the stupidity we see, the abuse of others that we see, takes a toll. It’s usually cumulative and it’s hard for me to compare it to what soldiers go through in combat, but there are similarities.

I, and everyone I’ve worked with or known in EMS have seen people die. Not only that, we know that it’s generally not peaceful, no matter what some want us to believe. I won’t list the litany of horrid ways I’ve seen people die because it’s not pertinent to the post.Suffice it to say, it’s not pretty. We develop coping mechanisms, some more destructive than others. Some don’t help us cope, they just help us mask the pain.

Then there are the people that aren’t dead or dying, but who will never have the quality of life that they want or deserve. That is even harder to see in many cases. We might be able to keep these people from dying, but in many cases what they are left with is hardly better. Still, that’s a value judgment and not mine to make. Which doesn’t mean that we don’t feel compassion or pity for those people. Or wonder if we really did them a favor by keeping their hearts beating.  All of which is beyond my ability to comprehend. Still, I persist in doing it.

Over the years the toll is cumulative and while we forget much if not most of what we  see, it’s the things that we can’t forget that cause nightmares.

As difficult as it may be to do, I think the key is to remain as detached as possible. That means don’t become emotionally involved in the patient’s problem. Does that seem harsh? Maybe, but the alternative is even harsher for us. The emergency belongs to the patient, not to the responders. Our job is to do whatever we can to mitigate the emergency and it’s consequences but when all is said and done, what we’ve done is our job.

That sort of separation is not easy and some people never succeed in achieving it. They either leave the field or end up what we generally call “burned out”. They don’t care about patients, they don’t care about the job, they often don’t care about themselves. Many stay in the field because it’s the only thing they know and they get a steady pay check. Neither are reasons to stick around a field you hate. I’ve worked with people like that and their attitude is poisonous.

I have no great advice for you my friend. This is a hard job at times, often with little reward financially or emotionally. I’ve always thought it was a job worth doing, which is why I’ve done it most of my adult life. I’m closer (much closer) to the end than the beginning of that career. Looking back at it, I’m not sure that I’d change a whole lot. Some days were great, some mediocre, some plain sucked, but you have to learn how to take the job as it is, because despite what we think change comes slowly in EMS.

I hope you find your way because we need more people like you to make it the profession it should be.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck.